


Another Group Chat Fic

by diapason



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, Group Chat Fic, Group chat, but they might not change names too much, fun fact my name on discord is "trees r neat", if you ever need an update on who is who i can provide that, it's a lorax reference though, jared is a bag of dicks, might be funny???, random references to things i've seen are abound, swearing but still rated g, they will text about whatever shit comes into my head, who knows - Freeform, zoe's username belongs on myspace honestly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 19:09:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10623261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diapason/pseuds/diapason
Summary: The textening begins.





	1. Rise Of The Planet Of The Chats

**Author's Note:**

> Just random texting stuff I'll write when I can't be bothered to put in the amount of effort actual fics like Miss You Dearly need. Enjoy!

_Evan Hansen has joined the conversation_

_Alana Beck has joined the conversation_

_insanelycronchy [ jared ] has joined the conversation_

_Xx_indiZo_xX has joined the conversation_

_fuck you all has joined the conversation_

 

Xx_indiZo_xX: wait Connor why is that your name?

fuck you all: because i hate all of you

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: except me?

fuck you all: especially you

Alana Beck: What I want to know is why Evan’s name is just Evan Hansen?

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: hey, you have a boring name too

Alana Beck: My name on here is the same as my automatic email signature. I am NOT sending another résumé signed as “beefucker 3000” to a college.

Xx_indiZo_xX: that happened?

Alana Beck: Sadly.

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yeah it was hilarious

Evan Hansen: I

Evan Hansen: I don’t know where the change username button is

fuck you all: thats the saddest fucking thing ive ever heard

Xx_indiZo_xX: it’s in Settings

Evan Hansen: Okay thanks

Trees r neat: Do u like it?

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: you actual fucking nerd

Alana Beck: Is that why you’re in Ecology with me?

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yeah he’s a giant tree nerd

Xx_indiZo_xX: you take ecology?

Trees r neat: Yeah

Trees r neat: It’s interesting and a good way to get out of doing Home Ec or whatever Jared got stuck in

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: i do textiles and for your information its very informative.

fuck you all: ecology is boring

fuck you all: textiles is boring

fuck you all: home ec is boring

fuck you all: school is boring

Xx_indiZo_xX: for goodness’ sake, I joined this chat to get away from Connor being annoying

fuck you all: love you too zo

Alana Beck: Alright, so now we’ve fixed Evan’s username problem.

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: uh, can we address the REAL username problem???????

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: zoe, 2007 called, they want their gamertag back

Trees r neat: 2007’s not a person…?

Xx_indiZo_xX: I see nothing wrong with a little bit of style in a username

Alana Beck: … It is kind of anachronistic.

fuck you all: fuck does that mean

Trees r neat: It means out of place time period wise

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yeah, that’s what i said, 2007 wants its username back

Alana Beck: It wasn’t funny the first time.

Xx_indiZo_xX: wow thanks, jerk-nerds

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: you’re welcome

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: double jerk-nerd

fuck you all: wow. sick ass burn dude.

Trees r neat: Hey, step off her, alright?

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yeah, she cant help being so RANDUM XD WAFFELS!!

Xx_indiZo_xX: what??

fuck you all: tbh

Trees r neat: What??

Alana Beck: Savage.

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: ok thats not even remotely the right time to use savage

Alana Beck: Lit

Trees r neat: Alana

Trees r neat: Alana no

fuck you all: me

Xx_indiZo_xX: I’m so confused

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: i blame connor for this

fuck you all: how did i do this

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: you said tbh

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: it started her off

fuck you all: and how do you want me to fix it

Alana Beck: I’ll stop.

Trees r neat: She’s done much worse b4

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: FUCKING HELL

fuck you all: language

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: sorry

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: FUCKING HECK

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: what are we doing now??? playing battleships?????????

Xx_indiZo_xX: one, Connor you can’t talk about language

Xx_indiZo_xX: two, how was that one any better?

Trees r neat: Is this bc I said b4? Bc sorry

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: youre a heathen evan

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: a damn dirty heathen

Alana Beck: Jared sure does get unnecessarily angry about grammar a lot for someone who doesn’t use capital letters.

Alana Beck: Or apostrophes.

fuck you all: i barely know you people why did you rope me into this

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: it was a plot by evan to get him and zoe in the same conversation

Trees r neat: No!!!!! It wasn’t!!!!!!!

Xx_indiZo_xX: you know I would just talk to you if you said hi or anything right?

Xx_indiZo_xX: we’ve talked before

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yes but you see the difference is evan has crippling social anxiety and a weird crush, and youre, yanno, a normal person

Trees r neat: What the fuck Jared

Alana Beck: What the hell, Jared?

Xx_indiZo_xX: that’s not the kind of thing you just tell people, Jared

Xx_indiZo_xX: not cool

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yall know its true though

 

_fuck you all has removed insanelycronchy [ jared ] from this conversation._

 

Trees r neat: Thx

Trees r neat: I was starting to get upset

Xx_indiZo_xX: you can talk to me if you want, Evan

Xx_indizo_xX: also you are normal

fuck you all: you know youre really not helping the situation zo

Xx_indoZo_xX: you know you’re a giant bag of dicks, Connor

fuck you all: fuck yeah i am

Alana Beck: Evan, I sent you a gif.

Trees r neat: Thank u

Trees r neat: I’m gonna go eat dinner, my mom will be back in like 1/2 an hour

Xx_indiZo_xX: how does sending him a gif help him?

Alana Beck: Oh, uh…

 

_Alana Beck has turned history off_

 

Alana Beck: When he says “upset”, that’s kind of his code word for “anxiety attack”

Alana Beck: So I send him breathing gifs and things like that.

 

_Alana Beck has turned history on_

 

Xx_indiZo_xX: oh

fuck you all: if id known i would have sent him the cat band

Alana Beck: ?

fuck you all: you know right zo

fuck you all: the marching band but its cats

Xx_indiZo_xX: oh yeah! I love those cats

fuck you all: they help me with my episodes

fuck you all: and theyre pretty calming too so i guess they would help with anxiety

Alana Beck: That’s nice of you, Connor!

fuck you all: the last thing i aspire to be in life is nice

Xx_indiZo_xX: he means thank you

thank you all: oh do i

Alana Beck: LOL!

thank you all: how can you call zoe out for anachronisms then use savage and lol in the same conversation

 

_insanelycronchy [ jared ] has joined the conversation_

 

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: HAHA MY KICK EXPIRED IM BACK BITCHES

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: shit things got deep

 

_thank you all has removed insanelycronchy [ jared ] from the conversation_

 

Alana Beck: Why’d you do that this time?

thank you all: i just really fucking hate him


	2. A Night In Textland

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you know even i didnt think i would ever update again but here we are

6:02pm

 

Xx_indiZo_xX: entertain me

 

6:07pm

 

honey nut: what do horny bees make

Xx_indiZo_xX: … wait who's that?

honey nut: theres only 4 choices

Alana Beck: Pretty sure it's Connor. Also, GROSS, Connor.

Trees r neat: Not in my good Christian chat

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: ah yes, evan, the christian

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: your bar mitzvah wasn't that bad dude

honey nut: what happened at the bar mitzvah im invested now

Xx_indiZo_xX: agh, forgot about your name

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: nothing

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: literally nothing

Trees r neat: Well you were the only person that came so of course nothing happened

honey nut: shit dude nobody came to your thing?

honey nut: i dont know anything about judaism but im pretty sure that slike your 13th birthday where you Become A Man so. must have sucked

Trees r neat: I. Yeah it did

Xx_indiZo_xX: are we just going to ignore the fact that Connor used both punctuation and capitalization in those last two texts???????

honey nut: cant a guy switch up his texting style every so often

Xx_indiZo_xX: Connor you have literally NEVER used a question mark when typing in your LIFE?????

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: well clearly the idea that evan had no friends at 13 is revolutionary to mr klebold over here

Trees r neat: What is that reference?

Xx_indiZo_xX: ???????

honey nut: hey fuck you

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: oh youre right they are different, even dylan had a friend wjo he could hang out with at school

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: *who

Trees r neat: Jared stop it

honey nut: yiu think youre so fucking cool

honey nut: newsflash bitch

honey nut: nobody likesd you

honey nut: if idid shoot up a school youd be the first to go

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: it was a joke jfc

Alana Beck: Not sure what I came back to…

honey nut: get out alana

Xx_indiZo_xX: not now Alana

Trees r neat: Both of you stop it

honey nut: jared doesnt know how to shut the fuck up when hes clearly crossed a line

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: i was fucking kidding asshole

honey nut: take a lesson in tone

Trees r neat: JUST STOP

 

6:31pm

 

Trees r neat: Worked a little too well, huh

Alana Beck: Hey, Evan.

Alana Beck: You feeling OK?

Trees r neat: Im fine

Trees r neat: Really. They just worried me

Alana Beck: OK…

Xx_indiZo_xX: I'm sorry about my brother, he's a pain like all the time

Alana Beck: It's not your fault.

Xx_indiZo_xX: after you told them to stop it I heard him talking to himself down the hall

Xx_indiZo_xX: and I mean IDK if i should tell you what he said but

Xx_indiZo_xX: he’s pretty pissed

Trees r neat: I hope he’s okay

Xx_indiZo_xX: he will be dw

Alana Beck: I would keep talking but I have homework. See you guys tomorrow.

Trees r neat: Bye Alana

Xx_indiZo_xX: bye

 

* * *

 

_ Private conversation between Trees r neat and honey nut _

 

9:52pm

 

honey nut: hey can you tell your friend that i probably overreacted before

Trees r neat: Who Jared?

honey nut: yea

Trees r neat: I’ll do that

honey nut: thanks

  
  


_ Private conversation between Trees r neat and insanelycronchy [ jared ] _

 

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: hey can you tell connor that it was shitty of me to make that joke

Trees r neat: Really?

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: yea

Trees r neat: I’ll let him know

  
  


_ Private conversation between Trees r neat and honey nut _

 

Trees r neat: He says he’s sorry for the “shitty joke”

honey nut: nice

honey nut: dude we gotta get you a better nickname

Trees r neat: Says you??

Trees r neat: Besides it represents my truth

honey nut: no wait fuck i have an idea

  
  


_ Private conversation between Treefucker 3000 and insanelycronchy [ jared ] _

 

Treefucker 3000: he says thanks, apology accepted

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: wow

 

_ insanelycronchy [ jared] has sent a file: betterthanexpected.png _

 

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: wait dude wtf is up with your name

Treefucker 3000: I

Treefucker 3000: It was Connor’s idea okay

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: you never cease to amaze, hansen

 

* * *

 

 

 

11:34pm

 

Xx_indiZo_xX: why did we never name this chat?

 

11:36pm

 

honey nut: fuck if i know

Xx_indiZo_xX: can you PLEASE change that

honey nut: fine

ashes to ashes: better

Xx_indiZo_xX: not sure how it’s relevant, but I’ll allow it

ashes to ashes: maybe im still not over infinity war ok

Xx_indiZo_xX: … what are you doing over there

ashes to ashes: cleaning my floor

Xx_indiZo_xX: one, why

Xx_indiZo_xX: two, you’re gonna wake up mom

Xx_indiZo_xX: three…

Xx_indiZo_xX: why????

ashes to ashes: i have my r e a s o n s

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: can’t you two just. text

ashes to ashes: we were having a chat-related discussion before zoe derailed it to make fun of my name

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: anyway she’s right we need a chat name

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: i vote “suicide squad”

Xx_indiZo_xX: that was a terrible movie though

ashes to ashes: the whole squad

ashes to ashes: is that why you brought us together

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: i’m not PLANNING on a suicide pact but like. don’t rule it out

Xx_indiZo_xX: I’m not suicidal??????

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: lucky you

ashes to ashes: i call “breakfast club”

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: which character do we correspond to though

ashes to ashes: well im allison obviously

ashes to ashes: but i never change looks

ashes to ashes: you can be bender

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: is that good i haven’t seen it

ashes to ashes: hes the criminal

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: works for me

ashes to ashes: zoes definitely claire alana can be brian because shes smart and that leaves evan for andy

Xx_indiZo_xX: i am NOT claire

ashes to ashes: then who are you

Xx_indiZo_xX: touche

 

_ ashes to ashes has renamed this conversation breakfast club _

 

ashes to ashes: speak now or forever hold your peace

insanelycronchy [ jared ]: that was a taylor swift song

ashes to ashes: maybe i should have made you claire

 

1:14am

 

Treefucker 3000: I think that’s a good name choice

Treefucker 3000: But I haven’t seen Breakfast Club either so I’m assuming it’s not bad

ashes to ashes: why are u awake

Treefucker 3000: Why are YOU awake

ashes to ashes: toosh

ashes to ashes: ill show you the movie some time

Treefucker 3000: I don’t know what toosh means but thanks for the offer

ashes to ashes: its like touche but if you miss the accent it would be toosh not tooshay

Treefucker 3000: Oh right

 

1:26am

 

ashes to ashes: hey evan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see if you can spot what connors doing with his names over the coming chapters


End file.
